


With the noose tied around my neck

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Series: The Old Guard - tumblr request fills [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker | Sebastien le Livre Needs Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Whump, Forgiveness, Gen, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: “Y’know, I’ve died many times,” Booker says instead, “I’m not scared of a lot of the ways one can die. But hanging,” there’s a pause, “that, I am afraid of. It was my first death and it was terrifying.”“I thought you died fighting for Napoleon?” Nile asks in confusion“I died because of desertion, I’ve always been a coward.” another pause, “The punishment was hanging, it took three days before I got down.”
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Old Guard - tumblr request fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881205
Comments: 26
Kudos: 314





	1. Chapter 1

Booker has died in pretty much every way imaginable. From simple things like slipping on ice and cracking his head open to falling from a ledge to being blown up. You name it, and Booker has probably died from it. It was with horrified fascination that Nile had listened to his stories and quizzed him, trying to find one death he hadn’t had and Booker had felt a strange sense of pride in her not finding many. 

Her reactions to some of the stories made him realise that it was all pretty fucked up. But she’ll get used to it just as he has. It seemed pretty pointless to get hung up on these things when it ultimately didn’t matter. The pain never lasted - at least the physical pain - so all he could do was pick himself off the ground and clean the dried blood or grime off of him and move forward. 

But there are some things that are harder to move on from. The emotional stuff being the most obvious, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over what happened with his family and if he’s being honest he doesn’t want to. No matter how much it hurts to remember how their love for him turned into hate, he doesn’t ever want to forget them. He’s seen some horrifying things in his life too, of which are now what has him gasping awake instead of Quynh drowning in his dreams. But he’d rather it was this than her being stuck deep on the ocean floor again. 

It’s probably selfish of him, but he has another reason for being glad she’s not being tortured in her personal hell anymore. When he brought her back to the others, they had let him stay despite the exile. They were still angry with him but Andy was civil at least, and Nile was the only one being friendly with him, still not having realised just how badly he’d fucked up. Joe and Nicky barely spared him a glance and if they spoke it was only out of necessity, he didn’t blame them, it was well deserved. 

As they jumped out of the van for the job Copley had sent them on he could pretend that things hadn’t changed. It was basically second nature by now, how they moved on a mission. Having Nile and Quynh with them as well took little adjustment as they were all quick to adapt and the women were excellent fighters. 

But sometimes even that wasn’t enough. Things have gone wrong on missions just as many times as it’s gone right and when they step into the warehouse where there are supposed to be terrorists planning an attack it doesn’t particularly surprise Booker that they’d severely underestimated how many people there’d be. He instinctively moves to cover Andy when the bullets start hailing towards them even though she regained her immortality months back and he’s the first to go down, a bullet to the head.

He comes to gasping for breath and with a splitting headache but there are still guns firing and he crawls to cover as best he can as he tries to map up where the others are. Nicky and Joe have managed to make it pretty far into the warehouse, slicing people with their longswords and somehow Quynh has ended up behind enemy lines, taking them out with lethal precision that none of them even suspect.

Nile is sticking close to Andy, using her rifle as it’s the weapon she’s most comfortable with still while Andy is chopping people down with her axe. For a moment Booker feels ashamed, dying so early into the fight, but then he sees the blood covering the others and the holes in their clothes and he realises he wasn’t the only one. 

He pushes himself up and tightens the hold on his gun but before he even has the time to cock it someone shoots his hand and he drops it to the ground. He gets a bullet to the back of his leg and it makes him stumble as he turns. The man looks horrified and Booker can feel the blood dripping down his face, he probably looks pretty damn terrifying and he figures he could play it up for fun and smiles and waves the hand where the wound is visibly sewing itself together. 

“Wh- what are you?” the man stumbles back as Booker takes a step closer, “You freak!” 

He grabs the knife strapped to his thigh and throws it before the man even has the time to react. It buries itself in his shoulder and he collapses instantly, yelling for his mommy in a deep southern accent. Booker scoffs and bends to pick up his gun. He’s wasted enough time already and he turns back to the others’ fight. 

There’s a man sneaking up behind Nicky and Booker shoots him down quickly, all he gets is a small nod from Joe in appreciation. He decides to stay back this fight and watch the other backs, taking out the ones they don’t notice or have time to deal with. All in all, the fight is over in fifteen minutes. They quickly gather up anything that could lead back to themselves and hightail out of there once they hear sirens approaching, no doubt Copley having sent them. 

“Well,” Nile says as she climbs into the back of the van, “that went well.” 

“There weren’t supposed to be that many.” Andy mutters as she revs the engine, “But yeah, you all did well.” 

“Booker sure took his time to join the fight.” Nicky says casually but Booker can hear the annoyance in his voice. 

“Sorry.” he mumbles, shifting uncomfortably in his seat which makes Joe scoff and Nile sends him a sympathetic look that he doesn’t feel he deserves. 

Not for the first time, he considers if he should leave, serve the sentence that Joe and Nicky obviously still think he should serve. But like all the other times the thought crossed his mind, he knows he won't, he’s always been a coward and a selfish bastard after all. 

They’d rented an apartment for the week and fortunately it had two bathrooms. The only reason he gets one of them first is because he still has blood on his face that he didn’t quite manage to wipe off well enough on his own. Joe and Nicky take the other one and Booker tries not to think about what they’re doing in there together. Nonetheless he tries to be quick, wanting to save some hot water for the others. 

Nile bumps into his side deliberately as she passes and grins up at him, “We’re ordering takeout tonight.” 

“Awesome.” he tries to sound enthusiastic but dinners haven't exactly been the most fun since he came back and it just falls flat. 

Booker offers to go pick their food up once they’re all cleaned up and he can tell Nicky wants to say something but Andy fortunately shuts him up with a look before reaching into her bag to give him some money. 

“You want company?” Nile offers even as she lets out a loud yawn. 

“It’s okay,” he ignores the way Joe rolls his eyes, “I’ll be back soon.” 

They’re in a small town in Texas and the streets are pretty vacant, only the occasional car driving by. It’s calm and Booker finally feels like he can breathe. He understands Joe’s and Nicky’s rage and he knows bringing Quynh back doesn’t fix anything but he doesn’t know what to do to prove to them that he truly is sorry and that he’s learnt his lesson. It’s impossible since they don’t want to listen and he knows even asking Andy to speak with them on his behalf wouldn’t change a thing. Something all of them have in common is being stubborn as hell. 

He picks up their food quickly and even though his feet lead him back he can’t help but be filled with dread. Their microaggressions are wearing down on him and he can’t help but wonder if one day they’ll snap. He’s seen what Joe and Nicky have done to others who hurt their lover and he has always known that they don’t care for him as much as they care for each other. It makes sense of course and he doesn’t hold it against them but he loves them all so much. They’re the only family he has and even Nile’s kindness isn’t enough to make their anger bearable anymore. 

He almost hopes they’ll snap soon, maybe they’ll grab him and beat him and kill him over and over again until the rage drains out of them. Because maybe then, they can begin to heal what Booker broke. 

He’s snapped out of his thoughts by fast footsteps approaching from behind him and the sound of screeching tires down the road. He doesn’t have the time to twist around before he feels a sharp pain to the back of his head and then there’s nothing but darkness. 

* * *

  
  
  


He wakes up to cold air biting at his skin and it reminds him of the time he got separated from the others on a mission in Skellefteå, Sweden. It had been early autumn but so high up north it was already cold out. He’d been stuck under rubble after an explosion for a whole night, unable to get out and he’d nearly frozen to death before the others found him. 

He shakes his head to clear it from the memory, reminding himself that he got out. He tries to sit up and realises his arms are tied behind his back, and his ankles are tied together as well. He frowns as he tries to recall what had happened and then he feels the familiar feeling of partially dried blood in his hair and it all comes back to him. 

“I told you.” a voice hisses and Booker squints into the dark night, “He’s some kind of freak that can’t die!” 

“Are you sure he was dead?” another voice asks skeptically.

“He was one of the ones that killed all the others!” the first one yells, “They were unstoppable, they all got hit but it barely fazed them.” 

“So why the hell did we grab this one?” 

“Yeah I’d like to know that too.” Booker groans as he awkwardly sits himself up and suddenly light blinds him.

“You need to pay for what you did, you monster!” his eyes adjust to the flashlight shining in his eyes and he finally sees who’d grabbed him and he can’t help the sigh of annoyance, “You killed my friends and threw a knife into my shoulder.”

“You should be glad you’re even alive.” 

He gets a punch to the face for that. Not from the guy from the warehouse but the other one. Neither of them look to be over thirty and the new guy’s face shifts from annoyed to confused and Booker guesses it’s because he can see the cut he left on his cheek healing up. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Help me with this.” the flashlight shifts away and Booker frowns when he sees the rope hanging from a tree, “This is what we always do to freaks.” 

Booker has died in more ways than you can imagine, and he’s not scared of most of them. But this, this he can’t help but be terrified of. The cold that reminded him of Sweden suddenly shifts into memories of Russia and he probably looks pitiful as he helplessly tries to push himself back with his legs tied together like they are. But he needs to get away. He doesn’t want this. Not again. 

“He looks scared now.” the new guy says, glancing back at him after he’s finished tying the noose, “You think there are some things they can’t heal from?” 

“Probably.” the guy shrugs. 

They stalk towards him and Bookers tries to kick out at them when they’re close enough but they easily sidestep his attacks. They try to grab at him and he struggles, making it difficult for them to get a grip and he hopes to a God he doesn’t believe in that the others have realised he’s missing by now and that they’ll find him soon. He doesn’t like being a damsel in distress but fuck it, he’s in a lot of fucking distress and he’d very much like it if the others show up as knights in shining armor. 

They seem to grow tired of his struggling because for the second time that night he feels a pain in his head and then once again, nothing. 

He gasps awake like always but no air comes in. There’s a tightness around his throat that is all too familiar and he jerks and spasms before darkness pulls him under again. When he comes back the next time he tries to get out of the bonds tying his arms together but before he manages to make any progress he’s gone again. It gets colder and colder each time he comes back to life and he remembers how his fingers had frozen and fallen off last time he was in this position. 

He can smell the rotting bodies next to him even though he knows it’s not there and the pain around his neck just gets worse and worse, the bruises never managing to heal up to alleviate the pain. The men had left by the 7th time he came back and he’s lost count by the 15th. He has no idea how long he’s been there but he can see the sky getting brighter and he realises he’s deep in a forest before he dies again. 

By the time the sun is high in the sky the panic truly starts to set in. His mind is a strange mix of memories and the present and at some point he was Quynh drowning underwater and Nile choking on her own blood. The others should be looking for him by now. But his heart speeds up before it stills again as he realises they might not be. They might think he took off and are already on their way back to Europe. 

And even if they were looking for him he doubts Nicky and Joe have joined them in their search which means there’s only three people looking. Meaning it will take them longer to find him. He’s only conscious for a few minutes at a time and the bonds are tied too tightly for him to get out of and he starts crying, coming back with a sob instead of a gasp. 

He doesn’t fear death. But he fears one process of dying, and it’s this one. 


	2. Chapter 2

Nicky tries not to worry when three hours have passed and Booker still hasn’t come back. At first he thought that maybe he’d finally left, it would have been a relief to all of them. But Nile had snapped at him that all his stuff was still in his room and that he only had the money Andy had given him. Joe had muttered that he was probably sulking which earned him a slap over the head from Quynh. Usually Nicky would readily defend his lover but he had to admit he was rather scared of the Vietnamese woman. 

“If he left it would have been your fault.” Andy sighs, running a hand through her hair as she throws her phone down on the seat next to her, “Why the fuck isn’t he picking up?” 

“I’ll call Copley to track his phone.” Nile offers and steps out of the room with a glare that would have been more effective if Nicky hadn’t been able to see the worry in her eyes.

He hadn’t argued when Andy let Booker come back to them but that didn’t mean he was happy about it, and neither was Joe. The others hadn’t been there in the lab, they didn’t understand fully what Booker had nearly subjected them all to. He was a selfish bastard and he deserved punishment, not to be let back in for something he hadn’t even done. It was Quynh that found him, all he did was bring her to them. He doesn’t think that’s enough to make up for his betrayal. But apparently Andy thought it was. 

“I got a position!” Nile exclaims as she comes back, “Lets go!” 

“I’d rather not.” Joe yawns and Nicky nods in agreement, leaning back into the couch. 

“What is wrong with you two?” Nile practically growls, “Do you really hate him so much that you don’t care if he’s hurt?” 

“He hurt us.” Nicky scoffs and Andy groans, they’ve had this argument plenty of times already.

“And he’s sorry! He’s fucking depressed and he wants to die, of course he’s gonna make a stupid ass decision but he’s fucking realised his mistake, what more do you want him to do?” Nile storms over to them and glares with such ferocity that Nicky can’t help but shrink in on himself. 

“Serve his sentence.” Joe says simply.

“That  _ I  _ told him was over.” Andy says as she stands, “He never meant for the rest of us to be grabbed. It was only supposed to be him.” 

That makes Nicky halt, “What?” 

“Copley told me that Merrick changed the deal last second, Booker didn’t know.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Joe asks before shaking his head, “No, you know what? That doesn't matter, he knew he risked all of us when he brought us to South Sudan.” 

“He didn-”

“Okay while this is all lovely,” Nile interrupts, “Booker is still missing and we should go find him, even if we’re mad.” she sends a pointed glare at Joe and him.

“Fine.” he groans and gets up, and as always, Joe follows. 

The air is chilly, the sun having gone down hours ago already, and Nicky pulls his jacket tighter around himself as Nile leads them down the streets. The walk feels aimless but Nile eventually stops and glances around, looking down at her phone before frowning. Nicky shares a look with Joe and he shrugs, opening his mouth to say something when Nile suddenly gasps. She rushes away from them a little and bends down to pick something up and Nicky feels his heart skip a beat when she holds up a broken phone.

“I found this.” Quynh says and points to a plastic bag on the ground, and it’s with dread that Nicky realises it’s a takeout bag, their food.

“What the hell happened?” Andy asks and then pulls out her phone to turn on the flashlight. 

It shouldn’t surprise him but it still does when he sees the dark splotches on the pavement, blood. The decision comes quickly after that, they split up to ask around if anyone’s seen anything and Joe gives a quick call to Copley to make him look through security footage for any leads. Which of course ends up being a dead end, the small town they’re in not having invested in many security cameras. 

“Nile, go to the east side of the city, check for anything suspicious,” Andy orders when they regroup, “Quynh will take the west side and I’ll take the south. Joe and Nicky will take the north.” 

There’s no arguing with Andy and Nicky silently thanks their foresight to rent six cars before their arrival so that they don’t have to go into the trouble of getting them in the dead of the night. Nicky can tell they’re all worried, Nile being the most obvious and he wants to assure her that everything will be okay but he knows about the dangers of false promises and besides, he doesn’t really think she’ll listen to him now. 

Joe drives them into the outskirts of town it feels more and more pointless the further they go, the houses becoming more and more sparsely apart. Nicky isn’t even sure what they’re looking for, they have no idea who had attacked Booker or even why. He wonders if Booker might have tricked them in order to get away from them, setting this all up to lead them on a wild goose chase. It’s improbable but given Booker’s track record of plans it might not be. It pains him a little to think that Booker would leave without at least saying goodbye. 

“Have we been too harsh on him?” Joe asks as he takes another turn, driving slowly as he looks out the window for anything suspicious. 

“He betrayed us.” Nicky says, but the usual heat behind his words when they talk about this is nowhere to be found. 

“He was desperate.” Joe mumbles and Nicky nods, he knows that, “Skid marks.” 

Nicky leans forward a bit and sure enough, a bit further ahead he can see the burnt rubber tracks casted by the sun that’s already high in the sky. They follow the path and Nicky glances down at his phone, seeing the others report that they’ve found nothing. Quynh and Andy are heading back to the apartment but Nile is no doubt going to keep searching. 

“Maybe we should ease up on him,” Joe suggests and Nicky hums to show he’s listening, “another 99 years like this feels dreadful.” 

“You’re right.” Nicky nods, “It’ll get Nile to let up on us too.” 

“There!” Joe suddenly pulls to a stop. 

He jumps out of the car and Nicky does too, rounding the car to see what Joe found. It looks like someone dragged something heavy here into the forest, like a body for example. They quickly check their guns before following the track. It seems like whatever was pulled along here was heavy because it looks like it was dropped a few times. 

It’s already been ten hours since Booker disappeared and Nicky feels exhausted. So when he hears a low sound, something akin to crying or a wounded animal, he perks up. Joe obviously heard it too because he leads the way towards the sound. Twigs slap him in the face as they rush through the forest but it’s nothing compared to other pains he’s experienced. 

The sound stops just as they get to a clearing and Nicky bumps into Joe’s back from where he abruptly stopped. And he feels his heart ache when he sees it. Booker is hanging from a tree branch by his neck. Blood dried down the side of his face and face streaked with tears. He’s completely still before his whole body lurches, a broken sob escaping as his legs kick aimlessly. 

His eyes grow wide when he notices them, relief flooding them but to Nicky’s confusion it slips into something scared.

“Please.” his voice is barely audible, throat constricted by the rope and it spurs them into action, “Don’t leave me here.”

Joe pulls out a pocket knife and cuts the rope where it’s tied to the stem of the tree and Booker falls down, something cracks as he hits the ground. Nicky rushes to him, loosening the rope and throwing it to the side. He rubs Booker’s back as he coughs and cries and he wants nothing more than to find out who did this to him but figures he should wait until he’s recovered.

“Thank you.” Booker sobs, voice raw and scratchy, “Thank you. Thank you.” 

“You’re okay.” Nicky grabs hold of his arm and pulls him upright, steadying him as he stumbles to his feet, “You’re okay.” 

“Let’s head back.” Joe says once Booker’s stopped crying. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nods, frowning at how Booker’s still shivering, “Let’s go.” 

They make it a few steps before they realise Booker hasn’t moved and it’s strange, but he looks like a child, unsure and scared, “You coming?” 

“Huh?” 

“Come on.” Joe says, sounding just as confused as Booker did.

“You want me to?” and  _ oh _ that one hurts. 

Nicky can’t find his voice and nods, a lump growing in the pit of his stomach at the hesitant steps he takes toward them. Joe seems to be in a similar state because the walk back to the car is spent in silence, as is the hour long car ride back. Booker is by no means a small man but curled up in the back seat he sure looks small, eyes far away in a way that’s disturbingly familiar. They all hold that look every once in a while, mind not quite finding itself in the present. 

Nicky messages the others that they found him and are bringing him home and Nile sends question after question that Nicky doesn’t have the answers to. They’ll question Booker when they get back, preferably after he’s gotten cleaned up and wrapped in some warm clothes. 

As soon as they get through the door Nile wraps her arms around Booker and he practically melts into the embrace. She stops Andy from asking any questions and usher him towards the bathroom and Nicky suddenly feels bad. He’s known Booker for two centuries but Nile is the one actually caring for him. He knows his anger towards Booker is justified but he hadn’t comforted him even when he fell apart right in front of him on the forest floor. 

They gather up in the living room and he feels heavy with exhaustion but his mind won’t settle down. He glances at Joe and he seems to be just as tired, slumped over with his elbows on his knees and head resting in his palms. Nicky doesn’t know what to do to help. 

“Where did you find him?” Andy demands, “What happened to him?” 

“In a forest, he was hung.” Nicky swallows around the lump in his throat, “I don’t know who would do that, or why?” 

“We’ll ask him later. We have plenty of time after all.” Quynh says as she strolls into the room with two bowls and hands it to them, “Eat and then sleep.”

She pulls Andy along and Nicky can’t help but grin at the fact that she doesn’t protest. Quynh sure has a lot of power over their fearless leader, he’s so glad she’s back with them again, he had missed her dearly.

“Don’t be a dick to him when he comes out.” Nile tells them before retiring to bed herself. 

Joe and Nicky eat in uncomfortable silence and when they hear the click of the bathroom door opening they tense up. Booker walks into the kitchen without sparing them a glance and Nicky desperately wants to slink away to their bedroom, but he resists the urge. 

“Thank you for finding me.” Booker says as he sits down on one of the arm chairs. 

“You don’t need to thank us for that.” Joe shakes his head. 

“Yes I do.” he takes a bite of his food, “And I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Nicky frowns in confusion.

“For a lot of things,” he chuckles self deprecatingly, “but I didn’t think you’d come looking for me, so I’m sorry I thought so ill of you two.” 

It feels like a stab in the gut and Joe makes a pained noise in the back of his throat. Booker finishes his food quickly and retreats to his room and Joe and him quickly follow suit. It’s not uncommon that they sleep during the day and Nicky usually has no trouble falling asleep despite the brightness piercing through curtains but today it seems like the world really wants to screw him over. Fortunately he’s not alone though as Joe twists and turns next to him, groaning in frustration every once in a while. 

It’s a few hours later when he hears heavy footsteps out in the hall followed by a set of lighter ones. 

“You alright?” Nile’s voice is muffled but Nicky can still hear her.

“Yeah.” Booker responds and Nicky can picture him rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“Nightmare?” Nile prompts.

“Y’know, I’ve died many times,” Booker says instead, “I’m not scared of a lot of the ways one can die. But hanging,” there’s a pause, “that, I am afraid of. It was my first death and it was terrifying.”

“I thought you died fighting for Napoleon?” Nile asks in confusion

“I died because of desertion, I’ve always been a coward.” another pause, “The punishment was hanging, it took three days before I got down.”

“Shit.” Nile exclaims.

“Yeah.”

“You okay now though?” 

“I have to be don’t I?” Booker sounds utterly defeated and it makes something in Nicky break.

“What do you mean?” 

Booker doesn’t respond to that.

“Why didn’t you tell us Nicky and Joe weren’t supposed to be taken?” Nile asks instead.

“How-” Booker cuts himself off, “Copley.” 

“Booker,” Nile says sternly, “why?”

“It doesn’t change anything, I fucked up, risked them all because I’m too weak to handle being alive.” it sounds almost scripted, the way he speaks, as if he’s thought about it too many times, “Pathetic.” Booker sighs

“Hey that’s not-”

“I’m gonna leave once we get back to Europe.” Booker interrupts.

“Why?” Nile’s voice sounds small

“I can’t watch as their hatred gets worse.” Booker says, “They said they need a century apart to get over this, the least i should do is give it to them. I’m selfish for staying as long as i have”

“We’re not meant to be alone.” Nile says softly and Nicky can imagine she has a hand on Booker’s in a silent comfort, “You won’t get better by isolating yourself.”

“Well, they won't get better if I’m here.” Booker answers as if it’s as simple as that. 


	3. Chapter 3

Booker heads back to bed after his talk with Nile, once again filled with fondness for the girl. She’s as fierce as she is kind and it makes him wonder what will happen as time passes. Will she remain as she is or will she grow bitter like he has? He supposes only time will tell and when they reunite in 99 years he will get his reveal. It pains him to think about but he figures it’s time to do better. 

Even though he felt sick remembering hanging from that tree, it reminded him that there was something fundamentally wrong with him. He was selfish and a coward and even in his long life he hadn’t learnt a thing. It made sense that Joe and Nicky were angry and he realised now that it wasn’t only because of his act of betrayal. They had probably been waiting for him to get his shit together for as long as they’ve known him and he just showed them that he wasn’t worth it. 

It’s high time he stops burdening the others with his shit. 

When he finally gets out of bed - for the second time that day - it’s well into the evening and the others are gathered in the living room apart from Nicky and the scent of food cooking tells him where he is. Andy pats the seat next to her and grabs the laptop that’d been sitting on the coffee table. 

“Who grabbed you?” she demands as soon as he sits down, “Did they tell you why?” 

“It was one of the guys from the warehouse.” he can’t hide the shudder as his face flashes behind his eyelids, “I only incapacitated him before turning back to the fight, didn’t realise he got away. He had someone else with him too.” 

“Why did they grab you though?” Joe frowns.

“Revenge.” 

“Can you point them out?” Andy pushes the laptop over to him.

It’s the case file for the job and Booker scrolls through the photos until he finds him; Mickey Smith. It takes a few more clicks and he manages to find the other guy too; Robert Smith, they were brothers apparently. 

“It was these two.” he hands the computer back to Andy feeling exhausted all over again. 

“Let's eat and then we’ll go get them.” Nile says, a fire of determination in her eyes even as she sends him a small smile.

  
  


* * *

It wasn’t hard to find them, it was a small town after all, and that coupled with Copley’s help meant they were sure to not be interrupted. Booker’s fingers were practically itching to tear the two of them apart for what they had done. He felt a bit confused though, Joe and Nicky seemed angry and he wasn’t sure if it was because he had delayed their plans to go back to Europe today or if they were angry on his behalf. His guess was on the former though and he pushed down his urge to torture the bastards and decides they’ll get this over with quickly. 

Andy pulled the van onto the driveway and honked the horn until one of the men - Robert - came stumbling outside, shotgun at the ready, 

“What the hell are you doing on my property?” he yelled, they got out of the van and Booker took some satisfaction in how he grew pale at the sight of him, “Mickey?” even his voice shook in fright. 

“That him?” Nicky asked and pulled out his gun, eyes blazing when Booker nodded.

Before anyone had any time to react Nicky shot Robert in the leg and he crumbled to the ground screaming. Mickey came running only to freeze at the sight of them before turning on his heel to run but Nicky got another shot off and he collapsed. It was probably cruel of them, but they dragged the two brothers outside by their injured legs and they cried and begged for mercy. 

“You did this to yourselves.” Joe grinned and pulled out a knife, burying it in Robert's shoulder so that he matched his brother’s injury. He pulled the knife out and handed it to Booker with a smile, “Give ‘em hell.” 

It’s sick and gruesome but no one comments on it as he stabs the knife into them over and over again. Even though they are already dead he decides a finishing touch is well deserved and slices their necks, he always has enjoyed symbolism. 

“They deserve worse.” Nicky mutters and helps Booker stand.

“What?” he hadn’t expected that.

“They hurt you.” Joe says simply and Booker tries hard to push away the warmth that spreads in his chest, he can’t let himself forget how much they hate him because of a moment of sympathy. 

Quynh pushes Booker out of the way for her to get the bodies in body bags. He probably should help but he feels a little out of it and Nile seems to understand, patting him on the shoulder as she passes to help out. 

“Come on,” Nicky says and leads him back to the van, sitting him down in the back with the door open for them to look down at him, “I’m sorry we didn’t ask when we found you, but, are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” he swallows around the lump in his throat, “I’m fine.”

“I think we need to set something straight,” Joe says after a beat of silence, “we still care about you Booker, we’re sorry we made you believe we don’t.”

“You don’t have to apologise for anything.” he tries to smile but it ends up as more of a grimace. 

“You didn’t think we’d come looking for you.” Nicky says calmly, not an accusation, but Booker can’t help but shrink in on himself, “We’ve been blinded by our anger and-”

“And rightfully so.” Booker interrupts, he doesn’t want them to start pitying him for him being weak like this, “I don’t blame you for it.”

“Maybe you should.” Nile comments as she drags a body bag to the back of the car.

“We are angry with you for breaking our trust,” Joe speaks slowly but it does not feel patronizing for some reason, “but in doing so we broke your trust in us.”

“It’s okay.”

“Let’s move forward, yeah?” Nicky suggests, “What you did isn’t forgotten but we can work towards forgiveness.” 

“Together.” Joe adds.

“Are you sure?” he can’t help but ask.

“For fucks sake Booker just accept it!” Nile yells and he chuckles.

“What she said.” Nicky laughs. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> This is a request fill from an ask on Tumblr, come talk to me over there pls:  
> [EbbaTriesToWrite](https://ebbatriestowrite.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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